It sounds like we just did this, but Steam Greenlight approved yet another 75 titles for eventual release this week. It comes with several platform titles, the obligatory arena game, more survival sandboxes than you’d ever play and a dogecoin project. Yes, dogecoin, but at least it’s rather ambitious. Plus, it does make sense from a currency point of view.
Anyway, some of these may tickle your fancy, but don’t hold your breath. Very few have made any sort of ruckus through the gaming world lately and multiple pitches are just things that have been hovering on the approval program for a while. We’ll list all games below:
- Age of Conquest
- Aircraft Guide
- Aquadelic GT
- Bird Assassin
- Black Ice
- Boo Bunny Plague
- Boot Hill Heroes
- Bounders and Cads
- Color Symphony
- Combined Arms: World at War: 1940-1945
- DROD: Gunthro and the Epic Blunder
- Data Hacker: Initiation
- Defenders of the Last Colony
- Defense Zone
- Devil’s Cove
- Exploding Robots
- Flower Shop: Winter in Fairbrook
- Futurdium EP
- Gender Bender DNA Twister Extreme
- Geometry Dash
- God of Destiny
- InSomnia RPG
- Isaac the Adventurer
- Island Forge
- Jimmy Vs Zombies: Special Edition
- Kabus 22
- Lost Orbit
- Mort the Intern
- My Ex-Boyfriend the Space Tyrant
- Numinis Online
- P-3 Biotic
- Pale Blue
- Pixel Hunter
- Project D Online
- RC Mini Racers
- SEAL Team 12
- Saga Heroes
- See No Evil
- Siege of Inaolia
- Soul Gambler
- Spirits of Xanadu
- Splee & Glob: Monster Defense
- Streets of Fury EX
- The Curse of the Werewolves
- The Deer God
- The Hive
- The Horror at MS Aurora
- The Hunt: Survival Simulator
- The Last Extinction
- The Masterplan
- The Patient
- Tormentum – Dark Sorrow
- Tower Clash
- Vision Runner
- VoidSpace – The Dogecoin MMORPG
- Wild Warfare
- Zoo Rampage
Normally, we’d do you a favor and point out some titles we’re currently excited about, but it looks like this batch won’t be open to that notion. Moreover, with disasters like Air Control recently showing what drivel can come from these large approvals, we thought we’d turn it around.
So, instead of the best Steam Greenlight has to offer, we sat through the grueling task of researching each game for you, to discover those you want to absolutely keep away from.
It’s not an easy job, but someone has to do it. Here are the top 5 worst Steam Greenlight approvals of June 25, 2014:
5. Defense Zone:
There’s something inherently dull and static about the tower defense genre as a whole, but Defense Zone takes this to a whole new level. It even refuses to give its game a non-generic name.
It’s not higher on the list, because it’s, admittedly, functional. It does, however, add absolutely nothing to a genre that’s swarming with better titles. Place a thing, that thing takes down something following a steady path and repeat ad nauseam.
It also already exists on all phones from where the obvious mobile port comes from. Maybe it should stay there. “Passable” is never a design goal.
4. Devil’s Cove Adventure Game
Talking about uninspired clichés, Devil’s Cove’s classic point and click is a dime a dozen, but that’s not enough to categorize it as a dud. There are a few more of these in this batch alone.
No, instead, Devil’s Cove gets our mention, because it’s basically a Kickstarter pitch that made it to Steam Greenlight long ago and hasn’t been touched since. It even left in that “adventure game” bit in its title and has all the funding info on its page untouched, as if it was still active.
When was this Kickstarter campaign? It was November 2012, where they asked $185,000.
“Last Online: 414 days ago.”
3. Exploding Robots
To prove we weren’t kidding with dead projects just lingering in Steam Greenlight limbo until approved, Exploding Robots shows us one step further. The first line on its page says: “Shipping Q2 2013.”
More than not being released last year, there’s also not one scrap of game to be seen, other than some concept art. It promised to deliver information about the gameplay and such in the pitch as well, so that gives you an idea how old it really is.
If any of these corpses still release, it will be a quick asset dump meant to cash in, no more.
2. Gender Bender DNA Twister Extreme
Uninspired visual novels aren’t new and with Steam’s recent policies, we’d better get ready to swallow a lot more of these. Still, none have gone to such ridiculous lengths as Gender Bender DNA Twister Extreme.
We were already skeptical when it cropped up in a Daily Royale deal a few months ago, but the project doesn’t seem to have grown. It’s still “DeviantArt: The Game.”
As honorable as something can be to bring gender, race and sexuality diversity to games, this juvenile wet dream makes it a mockery, by simply using it as a ploy. Please, try harder.
Also, here’s an illustration:
1. Geometry Dash
It was hard to choose a “winner” here, but at least the previous slot tried to do something of its own. Geometry Dash doesn’t.
This game already exists.
This game is already on Steam in nearly identical form. It’s called The Impossible Game and has been an internet hit for a few years now.
Ever so slight reskins don’t make a new game, when all that matters from that title is how it functions. This looks and operates exactly like the thing it cloned and that’s just mean. And no, the one or two slight adaptations don’t count.
Don’t clone games.