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Petition To Ban Pokemon GO Gets 760,000 Signatures

Well, that escalated quickly. The Pokemon GO fever has spread across the globe with $10,000 generated per minute. Pokemon GO continues to grow with each passing second.

It’s more popular than twitter and even porn. Even Hillary Clinton wants to catch ’em all. It hasn’t all been happy, though.

Everyone likes Pokemon GO. Well, almost everyone. It seems like not everyone wants to catch ’em all. The American Family Association started a Pokemon GO petition to ban the app in the US. The Pokemon GO petition already gathered 760,000 signatures.

Apparently, there was so much traffic on the Pokemon GO petition page that the AFA website crashed. The AFA was started in 1979 as a non-profit organization. The group consists of conservatives who stand for American values and fight corruption.

No, not muggings or rape. You silly, that’s not corruption; That’s normal. Pokemon GO is the biggest threat to American family values, obviously. Look on the bright side: Team Rocket anyone? Maybe the AFA should take actual action. They should make their own team opposite of players.

The AFA would need to freshen up on how to play, most of all. We here at SegmentNext therefore graciously offer our humble tutorial page. Unless the AFA would rather stick to staying home and typing petitions. How ironic!

Furthermore, the association’s Director of Public Relations explained the petition to MSNBC:

It’s our job to not only preserve the strong moral values that this great country was built upon, but to also keep its citizens safe and draw attention to areas of danger and distraction as they arise.

In the past week this application has caused several automobile accidents, resulted in the stabbing of a multiple children, and led 3 young women to a dead body. These young women do not deserve to spend the rest of their lives harboring the gruesome image that they unexpectedly stumbled upon.

We understand that these tragic incidents are only a small preview into the window of pain and suffering that this seemingly innocent game will bring if allowed to remain active.

Consequently, Pokemon GO players have launched counter Pokemon GO petitions. While this is understandable, it’s really unnecessary. It is unlikely that this will lead to anything at any rate.

In conclusion, everyone should just go out and do Pokemon battle. This petition stuff is silly. Pokemon battles are where it’s at.

Where do you stand here? Do you think Pokemon GO should be banned?